Twin Triplets
by Saramund
Summary: Snugglebum! Honey-buns! Can it get any worse? - Yes, in chapter 2 hangs head Yes, another chapter
1. Default Chapter

Anyway, collaboration fic by both of us, it'd help if you'd read Colgate Smile by Vemon69 first Okay, so I tried to put in the link to the first fic, but Fanfic doesn't like that, does it? So what you need to do is go to the livejournal website (just put "dot com" on the end of livejournal) and search for Venom69. You will find the first fic there.  
  
*grumble, mutter* Right, on we go: Title: Twin triplets.  
  
Author: venom69 and saramund  
  
Category: Romance, humor, smarm.  
  
Pairing: Sam/Jack, Sam/Janet, Teal'c/Daniel(or was that Jonas?)  
  
Rating: R-Language and sexual things.  
  
Summary: Snugglebum! Honey-buns! Can it get any worse?  
  
Spoilers: Heroes and D&C  
  
Season/sequel: Set after Colgate Smile  
  
Archive: SJ, Heliopolis, my site. Anywhere else, sure, just let me know where so I can come visit.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own them, never will. Promise to put them back in the state I found them.  
  
Author's notes: Tim Tam's are a chocolate biscuit. They are yum, and very addictive. Well, if I wasn't kicked out of the fandom for the last one then I sure as hell will be for this one....but I'm taking Saramund with me!  
  
A/N Part II-Saramund - a Tim Tam coffee is the biscuit dipped in a cup of coffee and the liquid sucked through the porous biscuit. Liquid ambrosia, folks.  
  
Dedication: As always, for LEW. And Saramund, who helped me write this.  
  
Saramund's dedication: Thanks to Venom for letting me release the inner- badness that is parody writing. Hopefully this is now purged from my system.... Please?  
  
Feedback: Hell yeah! Don't make us beg, hit reply and stroke our egos please. Date: 16-02-2004  
  
Copyright © to Venom and Saramund, 2003  
  
***  
  
Two weeks later- because, as we all know, time in a fic can lapse quite quickly- it was a sad Sam and jack that prepared to depart from Wowthisis'ntearth. There honeymoon had been a blissful stay at the grandest hotel that Imnothuman could organize for them to stay at. Like an off-world Ritz. Which was pretty cool, when you thought about it.  
  
The sex was great!  
  
Jack was just *so* big- did you expect anything less?- and so talented that Sam often experienced too many orgasms each night to count. It was so good, even the neighbors had needed a cigarette  
  
The whether had been perfect, the blinding hot sun that they had felt apon arrival has mellowed into a gentle warmth that caressed you're face.  
  
"If only we could stay forever, my love." Jack whispered, because he was known for being sappy. Seriously. That's the *real* reason the Goa'uld hate Jack - he has the charm and wit to attract all the ladies, and the equipment and skill to keep them.  
  
He's just that good.  
  
Of course, now that he has married the love of his life, his soul mate and first love - Sara doesn't count, cause he divorced her - that part of his life was over. Many women upon learning of his marriage wailed and moaned in dispair. There was morning across the galaxy  
  
Dramatically, Sam raised a hand to her forehead in dispair. "I know! Oh- what will the General say? What will my father say? Especially now there's a baby involved....."  
  
Jack's eyes shone with delight because, really, if your first kid dies and then you're presented with the prospect of becoming a parent again, joy is gonna be the first thing you feel. Sure. Right. "A baby?"  
  
Sam nodded her head, blue eyes twinkles in the golden sunlight. "I think it may be triplets. They run in the family, my darling dear-heart" She replied, her brilliant white teeth gleeming. She uses Colgate, can you tell?  
  
Imnothuman interuppted their happiness when he cleared his throat behind them. "Jonas and Teal'c are ready to depart. I thank you for staying here- please tell all your friends!"  
  
Sam nodded and bent to pick up pack up when jack yelled and grasped the item from her hand. "Sammy! No, you can't, think of the triplets!"  
  
She nodded and let him take the pack from her, smiling at his chivalry. She was a little saddened thought, with all of the troubles a head of them. I mean, they have to go back to earth and tell Hammond about what happened. And he would of course allow them to stay married, because after all, deep down he's the biggest SJ shipper. And the president and Jack go way, WAY back. I think they met in Kindergarten, yeah. So that's not a problem either. Jacob might be a bit peeved though. But George will talk him through it and Sam will fall down on her knees before his feet crying, begging him not to kill Jack, because she really can't live without him.  
  
Well, that's what she *guessed* may happen.  
  
***  
  
The 'gate room was a buzz when they returned, and Hammond stood at the bottom of the ramp waiting for them. Because he does that for all his teams. Yeah, sure, I believe that too.  
  
"Welcome back!" he beamed, bouncing because his favourite team were back and it was always boring without them. "How did the trade relations go, SG- 1?"  
  
Teal'c and Daniel...no wait, wasn't it Jonas? Oh, there's basically the same person anyway...*anyway* they emerged from the wormhole and walked straight out of the gateroom because there's nothign for them to do in this scene and they can't be bothered to hang around and say 'yes' and 'their telling the truth'. Besides, they wanted to go and have a bit of 'fun' in the showers before Jack came in.  
  
"Trade relations?" Jack repeated, confused.  
  
"Jack, we were there for a mission, not just so you could fuck my brains out." Sam reminded him quietly.  
  
Unfortunately Hammond over heard.  
  
How convenient.  
  
"Major,why are you calling your CO by his first name?" Totally missing on the salient feature that her CO was fucking her brains out.  
  
"Slip of the tongue?" She offered.  
  
"Speaking of tounge...."Jack winked at her and she could feel her panties getting wet with the essence of her love for him.  
  
Hammond accepted her reason. "Well, fair enough!"  
  
They all stood around like stale bottle's of piss (Aussie joke) for a bit, each lost in their thoughts. Sam was wondering about the health of her beautiful twins, because they would be beautiful. If not, she'd ask for a refund.  
  
Hammond was wondering if any more hair had grown on his head. That infomercial said it would, but he hadn't noticed the difference. Althought, that airman *had* been eyeing him funny all day......  
  
Jack was thinking that it would be totally great to do Sam near the gate, and that nameless airman in the background was wondering if he was ever going to get any lines-or a name, for that matter.  
  
Suddenly, like a flashback to Divide and Conquer, the airman had a psychotic episode. He was dragged off by men in white coats screaming "I can speak! And my name is Joe! Damnit, listen to me!"  
  
"Right, well I'll talk to you in twenty minutes, after you've had a shower but before you can be checked out for any goa'uld infestation becuase god forbid we actually follow OH&S procedure" Hammond ordered, completely ignoring the scene that had just gone on behind him. He was the base commander. He could do that.  
  
Carter and Cornel O'Neil nodded and made their way out of the room, holding hands as they went. They were not ashamed of their love. And in any case, no one seemed to noticed that they'd finally got it on. That was probably how they managed to get infiltrated by bad-guys so often, thinking about it.  
  
Teh SGC was good like that.  
  
***  
  
After a shower together, where they made fantastic luuurve, despite it being a communal shower, with about fifty other SGC personnel in there, they headed to the infirmary.  
  
Janet took one look at Sam and knew straight away that she'd gotten some. Because, let's face it- she's Janet! What more do we need to say? Except: I am gonna kill the mother fuckers who axed her. Why not kill Teal'c off. It's not like he says anything anyway. We can survive without Teal'c, but we need Janet. We never really liked him that much......  
  
Yes, anyway.  
  
Jonas and Teal'c had just finished when they arrived, looking remarkably flushed and out of breath. Showering, that is. Finished showering. Because anything else wasn't really encouraged.  
  
And heaven forbid *all* of SG-1 got a sex life. *gasp*  
  
Janet studied Sam for a moment, her doctorish ESP skills at work. "Sam? Are you pregnant?" Sam's 'glow' was answer enough. "Triplets!" Janet cried, jumping up and down happily. "Oh yay! Me too! Daniel is *fantastic* by the way!"  
  
"Isn't he ascended?" Jack asked.  
  
Janet looked around for a bit, her face pensive. "Erm....sure!" It was a truly mystical experience.  
  
Sam and Janet gushed to each other about their pregnancies, and how unusual it was for them to get pregnant on the same day. "Well....*I* had sex at nine am." Janet announced.  
  
Sam gasped, her eyes sparkling at her Darling Jack. "Me too!"  
  
"Twin triplets!" Jonas cried.  
  
No one found him funny.  
  
"That means we got pregnant at the same time!" Janet cried and grabbed Sam in a huge hug. "We're bound to go into labour together." She continued, knowing that that's what true friends did for each other.  
  
"Definitely!" Sam agreed.  
  
"C'mon, I'll examine you!" Janet decided.  
  
"And then *I'll* examine *you*." Sam agreed. They weren't heard from for several hours. Odd that.  
  
Jack, Jonas and Teal'c stood around for a while until they started to hear some odd noises. Moaning types of odd noises. "My wife's cheating on me." Jack decided, tears in his eyes. Yeah, he's a real military man, cries at the drop of a hat.  
  
"Don no be so certain." Teal'c warned.  
  
But Jack was off to go into the doc's private office, ready to hav it out with Sam for cheating on him. He burst thru the door.....  
  
......only to see the two women indulging in some Tim Tam's.  
  
What an anti-climax.  
  
***  
  
Sam looked up at her irate husband: "Honey-bun?" She asked, slurping her Tim-Tam coffee.  
  
"For Cryin' Out Loud, cravings already?" Jack burst out, recovering fast from his jealous rage. He was good like that. *cough* Bloody emotional trainwreck. *cough*  
  
What? I have a cold!  
  
"A woman's whoremonal imbalance at a time like this requires that she demand strange..."Sam launched into some techno-babble explanation to make him understand her needs. She was pregnant damnit! Why wasn't he being more supportive?  
  
Jack rushed to her side as he watched tears well in her eyes. "Oh baby I'm sorry, forgive me sugar-dumpling, please?" He made puppy dog eyes at her- yep, military through and through.  
  
"Oh snugglebum! I love you!" And they started to make out furiously. Jack bent to her stomach to talk to his triplets, who were conceived two weeks ago, and therefore not so good with the hearing thing.  
  
"My wittle kiddies!"  
  
And then Jacob walked in.  
  
***  
  
Dun Dun Dun!  
  
Tune in for the next episode: What will happen? Will Jacob castrate jack? Will Sam and Janet go to pre-natal classes together? Will there love be hidden from the world?  
  
Wait and see. ;)  
  
Fin. 


	2. Phsycopathic Powers

Season: Who cares  
  
Category: PHAORODI, humour (Probably BAD humor)   
  
Warnings: We wrote it? This is a poaridy. This means that we are taking the pisss out of   
  
everything imaginable. This is a warning. It also contains smut, sexual situations, bad   
  
sexual connotations, implied sexual going-on's, innuendo....look, just read it.  
  
Spoilers: Twin Triplets, Colgate Smile  
  
Rating: R, leaning *heavily* towards NC-17 (ooh, I wrote some suggestive slash!   
  
*faints*)  
  
Summary: God forbid it's lukewarm  
  
Series: we don't have a name, but read Colgate Smile and Twin Triplets first. Or else it   
  
won't make sense....Hang on, it doesn't anyway...   
  
Disclaimer: Same shit, different fic.  
  
Authors Note (Saramund): YES, FCOL! The spelling mistakes are their ON   
  
PURPOISE. Any character bashing is purely for PERODY, people!  
  
Authors Note (Venom): I swear to God, it was funny when we wrote it. If it's not funny   
  
now, then we clam no responsibility for your lack of humor.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Jacob stood stunned, watching as his only, virginal daughter allowed the grey-haired   
  
ingrate to caress and whisper sweet nothings to her stomach.  
  
"What the hell is going on here?" He bellowed dramatically, stamping a foot for   
  
emphasis. Jack jumped back, running around to stand behind his Sammie, protectively of   
  
course. Cause you shield effectively when you cower behind someone.... *SEND   
  
FEEDBAKC**SEND FEEDBAKC* *SEND FEEDBAKC* *This is a subliminal   
  
message. You will see these sporatically thru out this fic. Your brain is powerless to   
  
refuse the subliminal message. You must *SEND FEEDBAKC**  
  
Sam placed one hand on her protruding stomach, dinstinktively protecting her two week   
  
four hour, thirty six minute and fifty-four second old children. Of course, being a   
  
physicist, Sam knew the instant that conception occurred, even to the point of calculating   
  
the average speed of each of Jack's 'little swimmers'.  
  
Sam smiled, pleased that she could finally share her joyous knews with her father.   
  
"Daddy, you'll never believe this! Jack and I are married and we're going to have   
  
triplets!" She SQUEE-ed.   
  
Jacob's eyes narrowed, and then buldged. He was pissed, man. Big Kev wasn't excited   
  
anymore, and Jan was not fucking happy. *Aussies Joke* "You what?" He growled,   
  
eyeing jack with a dangerous look. "I'll kill you. No! Better yet, I'll kill you then castrate   
  
you!"  
  
"Daddy no!" Sam begged, falling to her knees in front of her father, tears beginning to   
  
poor down her face, leaving glistening tracks down her flawless cheeks in the harsh fluro   
  
light. She could look good in anything. "I'm not really the storng, independent woman I   
  
was portrayed as in the first six seasons. I'm actually a weak, pathetic little girl who   
  
needs a big strong man to protect me!"  
  
Jack was sure glad that Teal'c was around. Someone needed to protect Sam.  
  
"Really, sir, I didn't mean it! It just happened!" Jack tried to console the oldr man.  
  
"You mean you just happened to fall into my daughter? Accidental huh? And I supposed   
  
your clothes had been sucked off by a vacuum in space, huh?" Jacob started muttering to   
  
himself, spinning in a circle like a Jack Russelle chasing his tail.   
  
*SEND FEEDBAKC* "Sir!" Janet protested, coming to the defense of her best friend.   
  
And Sam. "She is in a gravid condition, as am I, and neither of us need this kind of   
  
confrontation. Especially when we are both carrying twins."  
  
JAcob did a double take, blinking blankly at the doctor, before turning back to his   
  
daughter and the bastard who had corrupted her. He glared at the Colonel before him,   
  
who was still standing supportively behind his 'wife'.  
  
"You... wear did this happen?"  
  
"On the planet Wowthisisn'tearth. There was a beautiful bonding ceremony, where   
  
Sammy could either marry me or be killed. *SEND FEEDBAKC* The beautiful,   
  
intelligent multi-talented KylieAKAvenom married us, and everyone was there to behold   
  
our union."  
  
"WHAT?" Jacob exploded. He grabbed Jack by the scruff of his kneck, snarling into his   
  
face, spitting globules of saliva all over Jack's face. "You couldn't even give my   
  
daughter some privacy during the initiation into womanhood?"  
  
Jack stared at Jacob for a good minute before collapsing in laughter. Sam quickly   
  
followed, holding her rounded stomach as she laughed helplessly - tears streaming down   
  
her face as she did so. Hell, wouldn't you after that statement?  
  
"I ... we.... Oh, never mind." Jack tried to explain  
  
"We are going back to this planet of yours to speak to this Ky...lie person and get this   
  
marriage anoulled."  
  
"But we've already constipated the relationship!" Jack protested. Sam murmured   
  
something in his ear, and watched as the red flush of embarrassment flooded his face.   
  
"Ahh, I meant consternated the relationship."  
  
"I don't care! We're going back. I want my daughter back, unharmed and hole."  
  
Jack nodded meekly, not daring to protest and two minuets later he found himself   
  
stepping back onto the familiar vista of Wowthisisn'tearth. *SEND FEEDBAKC*   
  
Fuckmeimanalien was waiting for them, obviously having developed phsyco powers   
  
since their last visit. With him stood Noshitimandalientoo, as well as the ever-glowing   
  
KylieAKAVenom. She was so pretty.   
  
"You are back!" She sihghed happily, stating the bleeding obvious and rushing towards   
  
Sammie to embrace her and then reach down to rest her log, elegant, ethereal hand on her   
  
jutting stomach. "Wow, you've certainly blossomed since you were here yesterday!"   
  
"I know," Samn beamed, gushing at the thought of her child. No, it was twins, wasn't it?   
  
Or triplets? Something like that. "I can't believe how quickly the time has gone, it seems   
  
like just the other day Jack and I were fucking for pleasure, not to procreate." *SEND   
  
FEEDBAKC*  
  
"Yes, they will sonn be ready to cum into the world." KylieAKAVenom gushed. And   
  
then, just as she uttered the words, a newcomer entered into their little 'circle of love.'   
  
KylieAKAVenom pointed to the lovely lady that stood at her side. She had long flowing   
  
hair of brown, deep and mysterious eyes that help wisdome and courage. "I would like   
  
you all to meet my sidekick. Her name is SaramundAKABec. (Hey, since when am *I*   
  
you're sidekick? Shuddup Bec.) Long name, I know. But she has phsyco powers too!   
  
Wht do you think of my friends?"   
  
SaramundAKABec studied s/j, their hands entwined and obliviouous to the scowl that   
  
Jacob sent them. "Sam, I fear that you are nearing the time when your children shall enter   
  
this world."  
  
In fact, as she spoke, due simply to perfect timing on the part of the Mary Sue, Sam   
  
doubled over in pain as a contraction hit her. "Oh!" She moaned, and then looked down   
  
at her legs to see the wet staing. "My water just broke!" She wailed.   
  
Jack panicked, but then remembered that he is mall, and therefore not in danger of   
  
wetting himself like sam so obviously had. *SEND FEEDBAKC* "Oh baby it's oK!   
  
Breathe baby, just breathe!"  
  
Sam grabbed jack by the balls and gave him a deadly stare. "I am fucking breathing!"   
  
SaramundAKABec and KylieAKAVenom exchanged meaningful looks, both nodding as   
  
their phsycopathic powers connected them through a brain link. Whatever they discussed,   
  
they seemed to both come to the sam conculsion and each raised their right hands,   
  
leaning over to touch same's painful abdomen.  
  
They chantd something in another language and smiled. We won't repeate what they   
  
said, simply because the authors are not talented enough to come up with a feesable   
  
rhyme to match the beauty and intelligence of these too characters - we also can't be   
  
bothered. (It did, however, sound remarkably like "I feel like a Thooye's." And they both   
  
seemed to have Australian accents. Odd that. And then, to please the Americans,   
  
KylieAKAVenom chanted again "Jack lives here." *Author would like to intergect at this   
  
point that we are *not* on the piss. We merely act like it when writing parady's. Or   
  
paryidies. paridyes. Funny fics!*) *SEND FEEDBAKC*  
  
Suddenly, without warning, unexpectedly Toocoolforschool came rushing towards Sam   
  
like a bat out of hell (oooh, we need to change CD's, Venom!) *SEND FEEDBAKC*   
  
and snatched Sam from Jacks tender embrace, fleeing towards the school jimnasimum,   
  
away from the gatered congregation. Jack whaled with despair, unable to move as his   
  
twue wove was plucked from his gasp. His training abandoned, he curled into a fecal   
  
ball, unable to do anything but cry into the dirt.  
  
SaramundAKAKylie and VenomAKABec (or... crap - you know who we mean) shot off   
  
after the juvenile delinekwent confident that their pshycopathic skills could assist them in   
  
their kwest to append the evil kidnapper.  
  
"Please, bring my lady-love back to me!" Jack wailed, reaching out one despearate hand.   
  
Fearing that Sam had staged the abduction to be with whateverthehellhisnameis jack   
  
began to turn an aschen color/colour and started loosing wait rapidly, becoming gaunt   
  
and pale, and his hair turning an alarming shade of blonde/blond. Much like season one.   
  
*Shudder**SEND FEEDBAKC*  
  
"Jesus, Jack." Daniel daringly declared, during a deliberate decrease in the discussion.   
  
Jacob turned to the young archae/linguist. Cause you know, the guy is so damned smart   
  
he can learn 23 (well, it was 23 back in season 2) languages at the same time as studying   
  
archaeology and linguistics. Sheesh, and they call SaramundAKABec and   
  
KylieAKAVenom Mary Sue's.....   
  
"Jack? Son? Are you alright?" Jacob whispered, clearly suffering from man-PMS, as   
  
his attitude towards the poor guy kept changing from one paragraph to the next.  
  
Fuckmeimanalien, who had conveniently remained silent so that the authors could have   
  
fun whumping Jack (And Denial. But we weren't really whumping him. We were merely   
  
taking the piss out of his character and the way that he is portrayed in fics. *Mutters   
  
about the samandjack relationship not being in cannon. I'll show you fucking in   
  
CANNON!*) from here to next Tuesday, finally decided that it suxed being one of thoes   
  
guys with no lines. He pitied the nameless mariens who stayed in the Gate room, putting   
  
their lives on the lines without getting any lines. He was confused now. Anyway, he   
  
decided that it sucked and stepped up to to bat.  
  
(For the Yanks) Bottom of the ninth, bases are loaded and Fuckmeimanalien steps up to   
  
teh plate.....  
  
"I am afraid that this is all my fault." He eclaired sadly. *SEND FEEDBAKC*  
  
"Wh-wha-what do you m-me-mea-mean?" Jack sobbed, slowly rising to stand unsteadily   
  
on his feet after being corled up in the fetal position.   
  
"Well, you see, Toocoolforschool is, in fact my son."   
  
The crowd grasped.  
  
"You see,it happened like this....."  
  
***  
  
*SEND FEEDBAKC*Fuckmeimanalien was walking towards the tent in the center of the   
  
square, hoping to speak to, and share wisdome with SaramundAKABec and   
  
KylieAKAVenom. They were suck wonderful women. Clearly overworked, underpaid   
  
and underappreciated. Clearly.   
  
He was walking along, happily in his daydream about sleeping with Daniel. Because he   
  
was scret;ly gay, when 2Kewl4Skewl bumped into him and sent them both flying to the   
  
ground.  
  
"Sorry" The younger man muttered.  
  
"No, it's all good dude! I wanted to chew the fat with you anyways." Fuckmeimanalien   
  
stated. *SEND FEEDBAKC*  
  
"What about?" 2Kewl (I shortened it, okay? I was getting the shits writing it, and would   
  
have ended up with RSI eventually.) asked, cocking his head to the side in an impressive   
  
imitation of Teal's. Even tho this flashback occurs months before Colgate Smile. Yeah.   
  
Go with it.   
  
*SEND FEEDBAKC* "Toocoolforschool.......*Insert suspence musice here* I am your   
  
father."  
  
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! It's not true! Tell me it's not true!" He wailed, in an   
  
impressive Sarabi-like fashion. "I will rebel! I will not be conformed into your   
  
mashachionistic (Yeah. We don't know what that word means either, figure it out your   
  
bloody selves! Hey, don't look at us like that, *you're* the ones that demanded a sequel.   
  
'We want a sequel' y'all whines. SO what did we do? Wrote you a freakin' sequel! Okay,   
  
so don't bitch to me about 'bad spelling' or 'poor grammar' it's a fucking PARRADIE!   
  
Who the fucking hell do you think that you are you bunch of fuc- Venom! What? Stop   
  
harassing the readers and go back to the story line! But, they were fully staring at us! I   
  
don't care, just WRITE!) ways of life!" Toocoolforschool decided that since the PMSing   
  
author nterrupted his rebellious reply, he'd repeate it. "I will rebel! I will not be   
  
conformed into your mashachionistic (Still don't know what that is, people.) ways!"  
  
Just then, against the wills of the leader, Fuckmeimanalien, the young rebellious teen   
  
sparked up a ciggie and readjusted his crotch. IN PUBLIC! *Gasp* Fuckmeimanalien   
  
realized that his son was beyond redemtion (One or two, take your pick. Anewbus, this is   
  
your agent) and turned away in disgust. There was no saving this child. Clearly the   
  
parenting school had failed in it's duty. It didn't help that his mother had run off to join a   
  
circus, and Fuckmeimanalien was more often visiting KylieAKAVenom for 'private   
  
studies' or SaramundAKABec for some 'one on one tutoring'....  
  
(Shit, just made us out to be 'hoe's. But I promise, we're not. It's just that we're both so   
  
beautiful and friggin perfect, who wouldn't want to bump uglies with us. Of course,   
  
SAramundAKABec and KylieAKAVEnom don't have uglies. They're beautiful ALL   
  
over.... *cough* Someone bring me a bucket! *cough*)*SEND FEEDBAKC*  
  
***  
  
*SEND FEEDBAKC*ANYWAY*SEND FEEDBAKC*  
  
"God damned sons of syphilis infected one eyed, three legged, flee infested mongrel   
  
bitches*!" Jack raged, face purpleing in his nager. Daniel blanched at the inventive   
  
curse (Yes, thank you Saramund, for the use of the curse. *Coming to a fic near you   
  
soon.*) den nodded his hed in agreement. For the two of them always agreed.  
  
*OH CRAP!* It's Jon*ass*, not Daniel (supplement all previous mentions of Daniel   
  
with Jonass. Of course, that won't work with the Daniel rant... ahh, fukit. Just go with   
  
it, folks!)  
  
Right, sorry - Jonass agreed with Jack, because he was still trying to get on Jack's good   
  
side... or actually, any side.. cause that guy was a serious hunk-a-man... Teal'c   
  
reamined statically silent, his hand caressing the phallic like staff weapon as he watched   
  
Jonas agreeing with Jack.   
  
*SEND FEEDBAKC*Kylie@Venom and Bec@Saramund returned, phsycoically   
  
carrying Sam and her newborn triplets, Bec, Kylie, Venom and Saramund (Saramund   
  
was the unexpected bonus to their little family). 2kewl4skewl drudged along behind the   
  
two beautiful aliens, head down and unlit fag hanging from his lip. *SEND   
  
FEEDBAKC* He looked up and saw jack cooing over their new twin twins.   
  
samandjackNC17 were clearly the doting parents and Sam/Jack would probably have   
  
perfect children. Bloody main characters always go the best deals.  
  
"You Tau'ri and your perfect lives, with Twin Triplets and perfect Colgate smiles! What   
  
rite do you have to any of the benefits of travelling through the stargate? I'm just as   
  
entitled to have a wife and children! And a big gun! And a phallic-like staff weapon!   
  
And dammit, communal showers! Do you know how lonely it is bathing without anyone   
  
to watch you?" All through the rant, the unlit toke remained perfectly still, balanced on   
  
his top lip. Sam and Dan-Jonass watched the ciggarette in fascination, amazed at the skill   
  
the young man had with his lips.   
  
*SEND FEEDBAKC* "We put our lives on the lines EVERY DAY." Jack replied,   
  
going in to his wanker-speech with ease. "Twice a day on Sunday's. And we don't get   
  
time and a half. Let alone any leave-loading for holidays. If we're even allowed to take   
  
holidays. And the health plan? Please - we don't even have dental, FCOL. I get the   
  
chance at happines, and you have the gall to acuse us of having it perfect? Sure, My   
  
Sammy-whammy is God's gift to the human race, smarter even than VenomAKABec and   
  
SaramundAKAKylie, here, but she has it tough. We all do. There are days when we   
  
have to report to work at 0900! And we all know what the 'o' stands for, right? OH-  
  
MY-GOD-IT'S-EARLY. I mean, that means getting out of bed before the sun is over the   
  
yard-arm! Of course, JOnass is always up at that time, digging in to his usual brakefast   
  
of banana's dipped in yoghurt." (Sorry, can't help it, it's early AM (0200) and my mind   
  
has bought a time-share in the gutter) *SEND FEEDBAKC*  
  
Jack was quiet clearly finished ranting, as he had lost the plot and totally forgotten what   
  
he was defending. Noshitimanalientoo brought out the script from Colgate Smile and   
  
flipped to the back of the manuscript, finding the page that held the lines for this one.   
  
Jack red quickly, hoping that no one would noticed his momentary lapse in consternation.   
  
Jack red quickly, hoping that no one would noticed his momentary lapse in consternation.   
  
Jack red quickly, hoping that no one would noticed his momentary lapse in consternation.   
  
And then, b4 he new it, he was stuck in a time warp. Jack red quickly, hoping that no one   
  
would noticed his momentary lapse in consternation.  
  
*SEND FEEDBAKC*Sam, who, despite having just given birth to FOUR children, had a   
  
uterus and a vagina the size of a freakin' watermelon on steroids, decided that the only   
  
was was to save Jack- Jack red quickly, hoping that no one would noticed his momentary   
  
lapse in consternation.- was to have sex with him, thus bringing him ot an erth-shatterin   
  
orgasm that would shake his foundation and rock his world, thus - Jack red quickly,   
  
hoping that no one would noticed his momentary lapse in consternation.- breaking the-   
  
Jack red quickly, hoping that no one would noticed his momentary lapse in   
  
consternation.- time loop.  
  
She removed her clothes, and jumped on him-Jack red quickly, hoping that no one would   
  
noticed his momentary lapse in consternation.- Two seconds later (Yes, she is *that*   
  
good) -Jack red quickly, hoping that no one would noticed- he came like a runaway train   
  
screaming "Oh yes! Baby! Use my body like it's your own personal theme park! Yes!   
  
Take me!" His pulsating manhood delved into sam's womanly treasures. Mindless of the   
  
fact that her father was not a meter from them, Sam's tunnel-o-love quivered.   
  
(It is at this point in time that the authors have decided that it would be best to change   
  
their names, come up with new pseudonyms and claime to have NOTHING to do with   
  
this fic. That is why we have changed our names to Venom and Saramund. You'll   
  
NEVER guess who we really are! *SEND FEEDBAKC*)  
  
Yeah baby.  
  
Simply the feel of jack's hot seed (God forbid it's lukewarm) erupting high inside of her,   
  
touching her womb (Which, remember, has just spat four kids out!) was enough to bring   
  
her to a shattering orgasm. Despite the fact that jack had, clearly, just shot his brain out   
  
of his balls, he was hard and ready to go again in seconds. He was that good. Jonass is   
  
jealous.   
  
*SEND FEEDBAKC*  
  
After watching the exchange of fluids, Toocoolforschool lit his cigareettte and sat back,   
  
smoking the cancer-stick in sympathy for Jack who was reduced to a quivering heap at   
  
jacob's feet.  
  
"Wow," Jacob commented absently. "Considering that, two weeks ago she was a virgin,   
  
Sam sure knows a lot." He hugged sam then. "Your mother would be so proud."  
  
Sam's Colgate Smile made her teeth gleam as she smiled at her father (Hey, isn't she still   
  
naked or something? Whatever.) Jacob helped the severely weekend Jack stand up and   
  
together, SG-1 walked towards the stargate, with the four new babies (Who were walking   
  
already!) in toe, babbling happily to themselves..  
  
*SEND FEEDBAKC*  
  
There was a large explosion as they entered the Gate and they all died. And thus, we have   
  
no reason to fear as they are all dead and we can't POSSIBLY do another seqwel.  
  
Bugger off.  
  
Mwahahahahaha  
  
*SEND FEEDBAKC*  
  
***  
  
End.  
  
*SEND FEEDBAKC* 


End file.
